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What is wrong with me??!!!
I can do 10ks!!!

As my friend Nicky says... 

"We can pull a 10k out of our arse when ever we want."
(She's gonna hate that I wrote that!! But it's true!!)

It's so true. 

So how come I practically crawled through that 10k today?? (Wellington Marathon 10k). 

I'll tell you why. 

Because I HATE THAT RUN. I was nervous and in knots. My insides were clenched so tight that every thing hurt. My face, usually set to "happy disposition", was set in a dark grimace. 
I hate that run. 
Because once it made me feel like I don't belong out there. 
So now I'm scared of it. 
And the more scared and the more nervous I got, the more wound up I got. So wound up that my legs turned to concrete and my lungs shrivelled up. 

Nicky's so good. Keep going she said. Relax she said. It's just a Sunday morning run she said. Then she said... Don't let this run beat you. You beat this run. She said that with 400 meters to go. The finish line was JUST there. And I honestly believe if she hadn't said that I would have stopped. And walked. But with her incredible support and encouragement and totally inappropriate humour I kept going. 

I hate being scared. I hate feeling like I don't belong out there. 

So next weekend we're gonna run that 10k again. 

And I'm not going to just beat it... I'm going to own it. 



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And by "run" I mean "sitting on my bum hashing life out with my best friend in the whole world who if it wasn't for her I wouldn't be running and I can't believe she can't because she's busted her archilles".  That's what I mean by run.  We didn't.  But we did.

Read this if you're about to give up...

If you are struggling to stay on track know this... You are so close. So close to success. So close. You just can't see it. That's why it feels so far away.
If I told you that I could see it and it looks amazing and it was just around that corner you would keep going. You wouldn't stop.

I know you can't see it ... But it's so close. Don't give up now.

It really is just around the corner.

I hate my body.

Urgh. I hate my body.  I went to yoga tonight.  Twisting and turning my flabby and floppy and wobbly bits.  I hate my body. 
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And just like that... In the middle of camel pose... Everything changed. I love my body. And I'm gonna start treating it with the respect it deserves. 
I love my body. 
For the very first time in my life ... I love my body. I've hated my body for so long now. I've been treating it like it's a useless failure that lets me down and embarrasses me constantly. 
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