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I've been on the verge of tears all day. I've been dark. Even the boys laughter has been making my head hurt. I have more anger and sadness than I've had for a while. 

And I don't want to run. 

I want to give up. I want to say "no more". I'm done. "No more". 

But bloody Nicky is turning up. So I have to. 

And there she is. Turning up for the run. I fake a smile and lace up my shoes and head out the gate. 

4 steps, 6 steps, 8 steps. And it is all in my dust. I don't even recognise the woman from the afternoon. Who is that woman? Tired. Broken. Dark. 

The run is my drug. It's my happy pill. 

5 Ks done. 

A juicy chat and a good pace and it's done. 

If you're done... Run. 

There's a t-shirt in that. 

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I hate my body.

Urgh. I hate my body.  I went to yoga tonight.  Twisting and turning my flabby and floppy and wobbly bits.  I hate my body. 
I love my body.
And just like that... In the middle of camel pose... Everything changed. I love my body. And I'm gonna start treating it with the respect it deserves. 
I love my body. 
For the very first time in my life ... I love my body. I've hated my body for so long now. I've been treating it like it's a useless failure that lets me down and embarrasses me constantly. 
My body ... I'm so sorry. 
Tomorrow I'll stand tall. I'll make no excuses. I'll be grateful. 
I. Love. My. Body. 

Read this if you're about to give up...

If you are struggling to stay on track know this... You are so close. So close to success. So close. You just can't see it. That's why it feels so far away.
If I told you that I could see it and it looks amazing and it was just around that corner you would keep going. You wouldn't stop.

I know you can't see it ... But it's so close. Don't give up now.

It really is just around the corner.

You're missing out.

I poured this Post Run Pinot just before I headed out the door.  So when the run got tough.... And it did... I dreamed of my Post Run Pinot.  Home now... And it's still sitting there... Waiting.  I'll have my shower then wash down a big feed with it.  Some might say... Why not just pour the wine and skip the run bit? To that I would say... You clearly haven't tasted Post Run Pinot.  And ... You are missing out.