When night came last night I lay there sick with worry and guilt and regret. All the people in my life who I let down constantly. I have five gorgeous nieces that are without their mum now and I do bugger all for them. I have a sister struggling away with two little babies and I do bugger all for her. I have a brother who gets on with things and I never give him the praise he deserves. I assume he knows. But how would he know? And I do bugger all for him. My Mum and Dad who sacrificed it all for us ... I do bugger all for them. My darling friends who still have me as their friend even though I go quiet and lock myself away and do bugger all for them. And Work. Sheesh. Talk about a crisis of confidence. I can't do it. How am I going to do it? My stomach churned with it all.
When morning came and my loyal running shoes took me deep into the native bush it had eased. And when I dived in to the sea at the end of the run in the pouring rain I felt better. Better. Not all better.
I know what I need to do now though. Stop doing bugger all.