Thursday, 10 January 2013

When night came last night I lay there sick with worry and guilt and regret.  All the people in my life who I let down constantly.  I have five gorgeous nieces that are without their mum now and I do bugger all for them.  I have a sister struggling away with two little babies and I do bugger all for her.  I have a brother who gets on with things and I never give him the praise he deserves.  I assume he knows.  But how would he know? And I do bugger all for him. My Mum and Dad who sacrificed it all for us ... I do bugger all for them.  My darling friends who still have me as their friend even though I go quiet and lock myself away and do bugger all for them. And Work.  Sheesh.  Talk about a crisis of confidence.  I can't do it.  How am I going to do it? My stomach churned with it all. 

When morning came and my loyal running shoes took me deep into the native bush it had eased.  And when I dived in to the sea at the end of the run in the pouring rain I felt better. Better. Not all better.

I know what I need to do now though.  Stop doing bugger all.