Tuesday, 19 June 2012

What are your options?

Remember the carnage last month?

When I smacked up against the wall and crumbled into a heap of failure and fear and hopelessness?

It crept up on me again last night. And it moved quick. I had such a good day too. Then as dusk settled the darkness crept up my spine and sat heavy on my shoulders telling me lies that I started to believe.

You're useless.
You're fat.
You're unlovable.

But I recognised it. It's the monthly darkness that is exaggerated by tiredness. And I refused to believe the lies. I refused to feed it with crap food and no running. So I starved it. I ate well and ran through it. And here I am on the other side. There are still the whispers but it will be gone in a few days and anyway... those whispers are quickly quietened by my boys arguing and laughing and yelling mum every 4 minutes.

Oh the run tonight was so good. Nicky and I ran 5ks around the streets of Petone and along the Esplanade. The spectacular vista of Wellington Harbour completely wasted on us. We had waaaaay too much to talk about to notice the twinkly lights of the city across the water.

Don't give in. Don't cave. Run through it. What other options do you have?