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Showing posts from June, 2012

And we are back!

We were supposed to rest the entire week.

But Nicky was the first to cave...

"I can't stand it. I have to run. Let's run!!!"

So. We ran.

And it was a treat. No stopwatch. No map. No idea of how far or how fast. Just a run. A gentle, wonderful but heart pounding run. And talk. Sheesh did we ever talk. Like school girls who hadn't seen each other since the last day of term.

It's good to be back.

'Look ... those ladies are holding hands!"

Apparently that's what a little girl shrieked when she saw Nicky and me run past her.

And yes.  It would look like we were holding hands.  But really, Nicky was dragging me over the finish line.

10ks.  57 minutes and 49 seconds.

To some that might not look very impressive.  But for me it is beyond belief.

Nicky.  Thank you.  I'm going to close my eyes tonight full of satisfaction and a little bit of quiet pride.

If you didn't grab my hand and haul me to the end I would be closing my eyes tonight full of regret and failure.

I'm going to sleep well tonight.

The wine and whiskey and home-brew might have a little something to do with that too.

It's just not right.

We should be running tonight.
It's Thursday!
But our 10k run is on Sunday so this week it's all about rest and preparation.

But I have begun to see Tuesday and Thursday nights as pillars in my week. 5.30. Run with Nicky.
Every Tuesday and Thursday.
My world could be upside down and inside out but those two days turn it all back the right way up.

With the good side showing.

What are your options?

Remember the carnage last month?

When I smacked up against the wall and crumbled into a heap of failure and fear and hopelessness?

It crept up on me again last night. And it moved quick. I had such a good day too. Then as dusk settled the darkness crept up my spine and sat heavy on my shoulders telling me lies that I started to believe.

You're useless.
You're fat.
You're unlovable.

But I recognised it. It's the monthly darkness that is exaggerated by tiredness. And I refused to believe the lies. I refused to feed it with crap food and no running. So I starved it. I ate well and ran through it. And here I am on the other side. There are still the whispers but it will be gone in a few days and anyway... those whispers are quickly quietened by my boys arguing and laughing and yelling mum every 4 minutes.

Oh the run tonight was so good. Nicky and I ran 5ks around the streets of Petone and along the Esplanade. The spectacular vista of Wellington Harbour completely wa…

What now?

You put your shoes on and tied up your hair and ran when thousands said "I'll go tomorrow".

You pushed through the lung burn when thousands gave up.

But now you need a plan.

You need to be able to run 5ks in under 35 minutes. That's when your body will be humming with running.

So get on and map it out.

Plan to run 4 times a week and map a little further for every time you head out.

Once you get to 5ks you then need to work on getting faster.

Then you'll be humming. You'll be that woman pounding the road with strong slender legs and a powerful heart.

You'll be humming with your running when thousands couldn't be arsed.

Map it out. Get it done.

Gus my 4 year old is snuggling in to me in the big bed.

I've told him before that if there was an award for the best snuggler in the universe he'd win it.

He is my gift. Gus is my gift. As soon as he came out I knew. This boy is a gift. Already at such a young age he can see who needs to feel love and he generously gives it.

And so ... It's Sunday morning and Gus is snuggling and the bed is warm and he smells utterly delicious.

But! His little feet are like little blocks of ice!!! Like... Actual ice!!! Making me screech every time they come close!

I had bad dreams last night and they're haunting me.

So time for a run. A run will blast them away with clarity and perspective.
I want to say a run gives you strength and joy and pride.

But you already have those things.

A run just brings them out.

I love this text...

"Hey Kath, i convinced a friend @ work to pretend we didn't have a zillion school reports to write & to go for a run this evening instead. We ran in wind, rain & hail, his ears filled up w sand & our hands & faces were freezing but we saw the MOST amazing rainbow & had a great time! Yay for running! :-)"

Guess What

It is done!!!

We ran all the way to the top of that hill!!! And then we kept running. We didn't stop once. Over the next hills and all the way home.

6 weeks ago we WALKED most of that run. And tonight we ran the whole way.

And we ran. Not a slow heavy jog. But a light skipping run.

We looked liked idiots with our headlights on and oversized jackets and our mittens and hats.

But these idiots own that hill!!!

One more lampost...

That hill tonight.

One more lampost to go.

And then the hill is mine.

Hoping that reaching the top will make up for all my other failings.

From wanting to doing...

I bumped into an old friend the other night! She's been reading this blog!!! That's so cool right.  She said she really wants to do it.  She really wants to tie up her hair, put on her shoes and run.

Do you?  Do you really want to do it too?

I got this message the other day.  You have to read it.

It will propel you from wanting to do it ... to doing it.

Hi Kath, I listen to you on the Breeze radio station every day at work. I gave up smoking 10 years ago and never bothered to much about my weight as I was pleased to be rid of the habbit, but now in my late fortys I have realised that to continue to live on this planet and enjoy my own, my husband and our wonderful adult sons lives I need to take control of my eating habbits and add a whole lot of excerise into my life. Like you I have never been or never wanted to be a runner! So after hearing you talk an AWFUL lot about how running changed your life, I poped onto the website to have a look and guess what, with the help of my …

One step...

I think sometimes when we go too far down the wrong track, we think it's either impossible to go back or we've gone so far that the journey back is just too long.

It's not.

You just turn around and take one step.  It doesn't matter how far down that track you've gone ... you only need to take ONE step back.  And you're home.

Maybe you've tried and stopped a diet.  Maybe you've started and stopped running.  Maybe you've ignored a friend.  Maybe you're not being the mum you know you should be.  Maybe you've lost God.  Maybe you've stuffed up.

We're told by Success Gurus to not look back.  To keep going forward.  To move with momentum and pace.  Sometimes though, you can feel that you're actually going down the wrong track so moving forward fast is the wrong thing to do.

You haven't gone too far.  You will never go too far.  You can always just turn around and take one step back ... and you're home.

That one step back will …

Why I run...

I just devoured a morish Moroccan salad with chickpeas and feta and roasted capsicums and sesame seeds and pine nuts and mint and cumin. (Click HERE for the recipe)

Then a soak in the bath.

Now ... In bed. Clean sheets. Boys asleep. My book.


The. Run. Is. Done.

 That's why I run. Run. It takes a lot to beat this feeling. And all I did was tie up my hair, put my shoes on. And I ran.
The boys and I are on an adventure! We are heading for Hawkes Bay to be with my family that I love so much. My baby sister Ruth. My little Brother Rob. And my Mum and Dad. Being home means I get to claim my role as Daughter and sister. I love being a daughter. I feel safe and cherished. I feel precious and rare. I love being a big sister. I feel strong and protective. I feel wise and needed.

LBDs and finding truth...

Nicky and I went out last night!

Put on our LBDs and went to the Ballet.  And we met a woman who decided the only way to beat "The Change" was to head to the gym and change her diet.  Drastically.  And it really has worked.  She looks incredible.  She urged us to go to her gym ... one on one strength training in an all purpose built studio. 

"We Run". 

Her look said it all. 

"You know what happens to runners though" She said.  "Your knees and hips go crook and you'll start to fall apart ... I would NEVER run.  And anyway at the gym I get to be with my 25 year old trainer!".

She is clearly loving it.  And that's so cool for her.

But what I get from a run is so much more than a work out.  Yes, physically my legs and feet are pounding and my lungs and heart are pumping making my heart rate soar to get the results.  

But it is so much more than that.  When I run, something happens to that part of Me that makes Me... Me.  The part of Me th…

A wonderful feeling...

Nicky sent me a text yesterday...

"Let's run at 2 before the weather bomb hits!"

She had the day off ... and I had an hour between work and kindy run.


So we ran.  6.72 kms in 40 minutes.

"We're good aye".  Nicky said.  Yep.  We really are.  She wasn't talking about the run ... she was talking about the fact that we could get it all together and run.  She was talking about running on her day off.  She was talking about running on a full stomach (which can I say is immensely uncomfortable if you know what I mean). She was talking about running in the cold.

And then because the run was done ... this was my day....

Swimming with the kids and playing dolphins.

Big feed of Spaghetti Bolegnaise and a glass of wine.

Kids in bed.


Snuggle with my hot water bottle (hubby out) and falling asleep to Keith Urban.

A wonderful feeling.

If you're going through hell, keep going.

That was Winston Churchill right?

Keep going.  Keep running.  Keep being the person you were born to be. 

What to expect...

Have you woken up ready to run?


You need to know this.

It will hurt.

It hurts everyone.

It's not just you.

Claire who joined our running group yesterday ran 4 kms with the group.  Easy.  Didn't even break a sweat.  Know this though ... Claire went for her first run in February.  Her words... "I actually believed I was dying."  But she went out again.  And again.  And again.

Don't think when you're out there that the lung burn is just unique to you ... think this...

"My lungs are burning because I'm running.  This is my first run.  My lungs will never burn like this again.  If running was easy, everyone would be doing it and everyone would be wearing their skinny jeans. "

The first run is a bit of shock really.

Please don't let that put you off going out again.

Click here for HOW TO START

And remember ... SLOW.  Slower than what you think.  And when you are going slow, slow down again.

Get your mantras sorted.  Use the one above.  And her…


Last night Nicky and I ran the hills of Pinehaven.  7ks of hills.  It's my favourite run.  It's my favourite run because there is one big hill that we haven't managed to conquer yet.  And each time, we run one lamppost further.  We have two more Lampposts to go.

In two weeks... that hill will know who owns it!  We will actually get to the top.  Which 4 weeks ago was absolutely, utterly, completely, without doubt IMPOSSIBLE.

To get to the top of the hill, we just have to run one lamppost further each week.

It will happen.  You just have to go one lamppost further each time.


I just did something that I have never done.  I read my own posts.  In particular the last few.

Sheesh.  Sorry for sounding all needy and stuff.  I think I hit a wall.  I think maybe the stupidly early starts (5am) got the better of me.

I have to learn from that.  I have to recognise "True Tired" and deal with it proper.  It was disguised as failure.  And it was all I could feel.

I. can. not. wait. to. run. tonight.

I can't wait for the shower after, then the feed and then that blissful feeling of resting my body.

re set

Gee I have been dark on it.

So dark.

And I don't have anything to be dark about.  Which makes it worse.

I just have had 4 or 5 days of wanting to get off.  Off the treadmill and on to the couch.  I've been a slack parent.  A slack wife.  I've been slack.  I've only run once.  And I've eaten like I did back at Massey when I had the munchies.

No healthy hearty meals on the table this week.  Boiled eggs, canned spaghetti, cheese on toast, McDonald's, cold chicken and rice crackers and scooby snacks.  Yep.  Slack.  Slack as.

But this morning I woke up and the dark had lifted.  It's still there in the form of guilt and regret... but better than anger, frustration and self loathing.

So ... tonight.  I will tie up my hair, put on my shoes, and RUN.