Tuesday, 17 April 2012

Ok ... so I aint perfect...

I slipped up.

Before I knew it, I was pouring a glass of Hawke's Bay Merlot and scooping out Tasman Bay Hokey Pokey ice-cream into our biggest bowl.

So ... I didn't run.

Nicky just sent me a text ... "Our first Tuesday off in 8 months!".

Okay ... I don't feel so bad.

But I had JUST written yesterday about how the feeling of having been for your run is waaaaay better than the feeling from wishing you went for a run.

So I feel stink.  Like I've let you down.  Like I'm a fraud.

I should have run.  I could have run.  I didn't run.

So ... what now?

Always, always always there are two choices in EVERY situation.

Choice 1) Eat some more ice-cream.  Put my running shoes away for the winter.  Tell myself ... it's okay to let go ... Eat! Enjoy yourself ... give yourself a break.

Result of Choice 1) Get fat.  Get angry at myself, and take it out on those I love.  Get angrier at myself, get angrier at those I love.  Hate myself.  Live lackluster days.

Choice 2) Draw a line under yesterday.  Change direction.  Eat well.  Run well.

Result of Choice 2) Stay slim.  Stay strong.  Receive love easily, therefore give love easily.  Live purposeful days.

Just so we're clear ... this is a daily battle for me.

I can not remember a day when I have woken up not thinking about food, weight, fat, failure.

How bad is that?  I can't remember a single day.

Yes, this is my battle.  It's not too big for me though.  I can do this.  I'm going to choose Choice 2, well aware that I'll be here again.