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Showing posts from March, 2012

I ran...

Thursday is run day.  So, dropped the kids off at their sports ... chucked my shoes on and ran.

I often say that to people.  Running is so easy to just do ... you chuck your shoes on and go.

That's not actual reality is it though.

It's more like this...

Find your shoes, dig your running clothes out of the washing basket, can't find running clothes there so dig them out of the washing machine, search the house and the car and the shed for your socks, search the house and the car and the shed for a hair-tie, search the house and the car and the shed for your ipod, untangle your ipod, throw your ipod on the bed because it's not charged, search the house and the car and the shed for husbands ipod, untangle his ipod, put your shoes and ....

...run.

And that's exactly what happened today.

4.3 ks.  Felt great to be running today.  I feel like it's been AGES since I've been alone.  And I didn't realise how much I was craving hearing my own thoughts and feeling …

Guilt, my old friend...

Aaah glorious rest day.  No guilt about not running!  Leaving more room for guilt about everything else.

I read an article this morning ... over half of kiwi mums are riddled with guilt.

That's me.

Guilt and or worry.

I don't know how to exist in any other way.

I wonder sometimes if I cling to guilt and worry as if it's my own personal insurance policy.

Like maybe if I stop the guilt and worry, then it will all crumble around me in a heap.

While I'm filled with guilt and worry ... I can hold it all together.

Sounds ridiculous now that I've written it down.

Anyway ...

It's an interesting read.


" Mums these days have many hats to wear; mother, worker, wife/partner, the list goes on.  There are so many pressures associated with melding all these tasks together and doing them well. Societal expectations also seem to create pressures for mothers to offer children all the options and again this can present challenges to achieve on a daily basis."
Here&#…

I got nothin'...

I'm trying to think of something inspirational and motivational ....

I got nothin'.

I'm tired.  I know that.  And today has been one of the days where I feel like I can't get anything right.

I feel like I'm failing at work.  And I spend a good chunk of my day at work, so when I don't feel like I'm doing a good job ... everything seems to spiral down from there.

Isn't it so interesting that when you achieve at work you feel fantastic and almost untouchable.  But then you have one of those days ... like my one today ... a rotten one ... and you feel useless and any confidence you did have from that great day the other day ... slips through your fingers.  And you can feel it draining away.  And then it's gone.  As if you never had it in the first place.  You can't even remember what it felt like to have it.

I know it's wrong ... but I let myself be defined by my achievements or lack of.  It's so wrong.  But when I'm this tired, it'…

Pantry Doors wide open .... What Can I Eat?!?!?!

It's 4pm and I want to EAT EVERYTHING!

But ... my phone just bleeped...

"Don't Bail! "

That's what my phone bleeps at me every day at 9am and 4pm.

I've set a reminder to go off twice a day.

9am and 4pm ... my danger times.  I just want to eat.  And eat and eat and eat and eat.  I'll eat anything too.  Kids muesli bars.  Cheese on toast.  Biscuits.  And it's not that I'm hungry.  It's that I'm tired.  Over it.  Worn out.  Grumpy. Moody.  And for some mental reason, I think that food will make it all go away.
And you and I both know that food doesn't make it go away.  It makes it all worse.

So, I set that alarm to go off.  To remind myself ... I'm not hungry.  Eating for the sake of eating stuffs everything up.  It makes me angry at myself and makes me want to give up.

I read somewhere that comfort eating is essentially bailing on yourself.
Something about that makes so much sense to me and it really helps when I'm about to sabot…

Progress...

It's raining! 
But that didn't stop the girls turning up this morning.  
This group really is ... different shapes, different sizes, different ages, different beliefs, different goals, different EVERYTHING.  Maybe that's what makes it work? No competition.  No judging.  Just running.  Actually ... just talking and running.
Today my focus is getting Liz and Kathy to run WITHOUT STOPPING 3 ks.  They MUST start slow.  SLOOOOOOWW.  For at LEAST 5 minutes.  If you're started out ... this is absolutely the key.  Start slow.  Even if you think you are going slow ... slow down some more.
And that's what we did today...
Liz ... gorgeous Liz.  47, who only started 2 months ago, and is carrying too much weight for her liking ... RAN 3 KS WITHOUT STOPPING TODAY!!!  Liz ... You make me want to do better and try harder.  Since that first day you came out running ... I have NOT ONCE heard one excuse come out of your mouth.  You are incredible.
And Kathy!! RAN her first 3 ks too!…

The Eye Of The Tiger...

Aint on my iPod.  Should be though!  It's a GREAT running song.
This is what I ran to today...
Disclaimer ... the songs on this playlist are so shameful.  Please don't judge me.

Kanye West - Gold Digger
Tony Christie -  Is This The Way to Amarillo
The Darkness - I Believe In A Thing Called Love
ABBA - Does Your Mother Know That You're Out
Beyonce - Put A Ring On It
Tiffany -  I Think We're Alone Now
Journey - Don't Stop Believing
Def Leppard - Pour Some Sugar On Me
Queen - Don't Stop Me Now

Shameful.  SHAMEFUL!!!

But ... what EVER it takes right??

Running Group tomorrow!  I love my Saturday mornings with these girls.  They like it too...

"Hey Kath- thanks heaps for your support on Saturday.Tough day but got through. Arohanui ki a koutou.xx"


"‎5 weeks running and finally no issue breathing...great to see progress in at least this area. Thanks Kath for keeping the motivation alive:)"

"I feel so loyal to this group that, even though I was in W…

Fail...

It's 4.15am on Friday morning.  My rest day.  BUT.  I didn't run yesterday.  Well .. I ran.  I ran out of time.  And had a thing to go to last night ... and I'm just hopeless against red wine and dumplings.
My head hurts.  Steve, who I work with just sent me a text ... he has Muffin Splits, Butter and Honey ready to work it's magic on the tiredness and hangover when I get to work.  And Nurofen!

I feel stink about not running yesterday.  Nicky ran! She sent me a text from Dunedin saying that he had run 6 ks in the rain and the wind and the hills!!!

One good thing ... my tunic that is always a bit tight fits really well today! I LOVE that feeling.  Clothes fitting.

I've lost a lot of weight since running.
Actually, in the time I've been running, I've lost of lot...
I've lost a job, I've lost a friend, I've lost my mind, I've lost my dignity, I've lost money.  I've lost my sister too.
I haven't lost hope though.

We're Always Running...

Paula and I were laughing about this the other day.  We're always running!! Not the "put your shoes on" kind of run ... but the "running through your day" run.

Wake up.
RUN to the shower.
RUN to school/kindy.
RUN to work.
RUN around work to get everything done.
RUN out of time.
RUN to Kindy.
RUN to School.
RUN to home.
RUN to sports/music lessons/groceries/pay bills
RUN out of money.
RUN to home again.
RUN around the kitchen cooking dinner.
RUN out of food.
RUN to meetings.

Yep.  ALWAYS running.

Running for everyone else!!!

And it's fine!  We signed up for this.  We wanted the family.  It's not a bad thing in anyway that we run around like ... as my Dad would say ... a blue-arse fly ...

It's just that it's SO good to run for ourselves.

I know it's hard to get out there.  It never get's easier.  I wrote a post on that!  Click here to read it.

Try this...

Commit to 3 running days a week.  I have Tuesdays, Thursdays and Sundays.
Then RELIS…

It's been a very tough day...

I want today done.  I want to crawl into bed and never, ever have to feel todays sadness ever again.  My heart is broken for my friend and I just can't seem to shake the ache.
Work was so hard.  Maintaining a posture of positivity, energy and forward momentum.  I faked it.  Don't think anyone noticed.   The school run is the great leveler right?  EVERYONE has their day.  Everyone has a burden.  A sadness.  A loss.  A regret.  At some stage, everyone feels like they are done.  Today I feel like I'm done.
Before the school run, I ran. I ran fast.  I ran till my heart actually hurt ... not just with the sadness ... And I started to feel like, maybe I might be okay. 5 ks. I might be done. But the run is done too. Yep, maybe it's all going to be okay.

Cabin Fever Anyone?

When a southerly hits Petone it HITS right?! Me and the boys have played petshops ... with Jesse choosing to be a monkey-wolf and Gus choosing to be a tiger. Which they fought over of course.  So we played Little People ... you know... with the castle and the dragons and the knights and the unicorns? They fought over that.  Of course.  So we did some baking.  Which they fought over.  So we played monopoly.  Well ... I got monopoly out and they fought over who gets the hat token ... so that was that.
What about the TV?? Oh that would be awesome to shove them in front of the TV.  BUT, their punishment for not going to bed when they were told last night was no TV today.
Never again.  It's actually punishment for me.
I'm over it.
And I ain't running in this rain.
I want to EAT.
Making my Lick the Bowl Laksa tonight.
What is it with winter?  I feel like dinner at 4pm???
Gotta go ... apparently the boys have no toys and are bored and their life sucks.
It's carnage ...

Want to be inspired? Paula's First Run...

I listened to Kath going on and on about her running group on The Breeze every day.  To begin with I just listened then I started listening and thinking a little bit.  I thought to myself how much of a fool would I make of myself if I went along and just gave it just a little try?
I continued with these thoughts and then what does a girl do – she opens her big mouth to Kath (of all people) and tells her “I would like to give that a little try one day”.  Kath, in good Kath style decided that the very next Saturday would be a great opportunity for my little first attempt at a run.
I would like to share with you about how that first Saturday morning went.  I hauled my fat bum out of bed at about 7:30 am, dragged on my big baggy T Shirt and shorts and jumped in the car.  My heart was pounding, the nerves were making me literally sick to the stomach (all before I had even pulled out of the driveway). 
I arrived at the water fountain and sat in my car and just observed the people that were…

Oops. Too much wine...

I should have gone for a run this morning!
I was supposed to do about 8ks.
BUT I had a few wines last night and woke up feeling GRIM at the very least.
If Nicky was here I would have gone. But she's not.
There is still the rest of the day to fit in a run. What do you think the chances are of that happening!!!!??! Have had a great Sunday morning though... Best hangover cure? Petone Kindergarten wheelathon and no husband to help! Just had to get through it. Thanks to Panadol and nurofen extra of course...


Spreading The Running Love...

I slept in!! I arranged to meet Renata at 7.40.  My eyes opened up at 7.33!! Well ... they opened at 5.50am when the kids woke up and snuggled in bed with me (Hubby was out for a run after reading It Never Gets Easier Post!).
But then we all went back to sleep.  Don't you love the kids sweet, warm morning smell.  It speaks directly to that part of you that connects them with you, and only you.  They were formed in me.  And here they are ... all wriggly limbs and warm skin snuggled into me ... where they belong.

Anyway ...  I slept in! It's 7.33 and Renata is always early.  Mad dash to find my gear.  ALL in the wash ... so it's the last resort running pants!! You can clearly see my knickers through them and pretty bad camels toe!! Ah well.  Who cares right?

So off we go ... just under 4 ks.  A tough one for Renata ... the last k is running "at pace".  And Renata is at the beginning of her "running journey".   She doesn't know this yet ... hopefully …

Nicky - the only way I can get to the finish line

I met Nicky at the running group I started up.  I had been banging on about it on the The Breeze ... but it was SHEER coincidence that Nicky heard it.  She thought ... Why not? And turned up.

I can't remember how exactly ... or when ... but all of a sudden we were running together.

Our first run was the Start Me Up run last October.  7 ks.  That was a BIG distance for us.  We were 4k joggers.  So this was a big goal.  We did it.  We learned a really important lesson too ... START SLOOOOOOW.  We started really slow ... but we picked it up and crossed the finish line with plenty in the tank AND most importantly we actually enjoyed it.

So ... that got us keen to keep going.

I sent a text to Nicky one day ... "Lets do the Half Marathon in Feb".  "NO WAY" she text back.
She told me that she would be really keen to do the training with me ... but 21 ks was just too far.
Totally fair enough.  And anyway ... Nicky had a heap of duathlons lined up and they needed a f…
Dropped the kids off at their sports ... and thought ... I might just lie in the sun for a bit and doze off while they do their thing.

I'm pretty tired.  4am starts make me so lethargic and grumpy at 3pm.  It's my worst time of the day.  I'm a grumpy, tired, hungry, mess of a mum.

Nicky is away!!  That means I have to run by myself tonight!  I can't bare the idea of running by myself.  I wont go.  BUT ... then I remembered yesterday's blog.  All about no excuses ... blah blah blah.  So I have to go right?  Now that I'm blogging ... I have to go.

So I go.  Right then.  I don't wait till tonight.  I just go.  Kids are happy and safe.  I can squeeze in a 30 minute run right now.  Then when we all get home from sports we can all have dinner together and I can have a bath and go straight to bed.  The run will be behind me.

I managed 23 minutes.  About 4.5 ks.  That's pretty feeble.  But, really, better than nothing.

It was a stink run too.  My ipod ran out…

"Kath, can you please call the Principal's Office..."

It's a rest day today.  No running. I love rest days.

I got a call from the Principal's Office this morning.
"Hi Kath, we've had an issue with Jesse.  Could you please call me when you can".
Heart Pounding.  Instant Sweat.  Hands Shaking.  Brain Not Working.  So much for the rest day.

He tells me that Jesse decided to leave school today and walk to Dad's work.  So he did ... with his mate Jakob.  Out the gate they went.  They got four blocks from school and realised it wasn't such a good idea.

The relief was incredible ... he's fine.  He's safe.

He'll know there'll be a "Kitchen Table" talk tonight.

My poor little man.  He would have hated sitting in the principals office.  It breaks my heart when they feel anything but happiness. Gotta get my "I'm not very happy with you" look on.

And then I'll hold him tight and tell him he is my precious, precious boy.

It never, ever gets easier...

So I have this little running group.  We meet every Saturday at 8.30 at the Water Fountain in Petone. Keen?  Here's our Facebook page... "like us" and we can keep in touch that way! There's 22 of us now.
Petone Womens Running Group

Paula is in our running group and she is a REAL beginner.  (You really need to read her "first run" story. Click on her name and it will take you there)
She struggles to jog for 2 minutes at a time.  Her heart rate zooms up and her lungs cave in.
And when we were out there running the other day I said to her ... "Just so you know ... it never get's easier".  "WHAT???" She screamed at me.
Because ... running is hard.  If running was easy, everyone would be doing it and everyone would be skinny and everyone would be wearing their favourite jeans.
But.  It's hard.  So not everyone is doing it.
"Yep" I say to her.  "Get used to it.  It never get's easier".
I'm talking about ge…

I don't want to run...

Nicky and I just did the Hutt News Fun Run.  The 10k. 

http://www.huttnewsfunrun.co.nz/

Standing at the start line I didn't feel good. My legs felt like concrete and I felt like my hip joints were cracked and in my mind I'm screaming "I HATE THE WORLD!".

I'm about to say to Nicky that I'm feeling so awful and tired and I'm just not into it at all.  When she grabs me SO excited with her eyes on fire and says... "Kath!! We can do this in an hour! I KNOW we can!!".

She sounds a LOT like me.  Super enthusiastic and encouraging.   The tables have turned.  I need her to let me off the hook. I need her to say "Okay.  You're having an off day. Let's just go slow the whole way and have a good natter".  BUT she doesn't.  And anyway ... Quite a few of the women around us have heard her enthusiasm and belief in our running abilities and now they're on the super encouraging bandwagon. "Oh you guys can do that EASY" they al…